'Les Miserables' trailer finally premieres

When it was first announced a screen version of the classic Broadway musical "Les Miserables" longtime fans were excited but a little skeptical.

Now that the trailer has premiered, it's all excitement. Famous scenes are played out against Anne Hathaway performing the show stopper "I Dreamed A Dream."

High school drama geeks (including me) the world over are rejoicing right now.

'Chernobyl Diaries:' 'The Hills Have Eyes' in Russia too!

Few things hurt me more than getting into a movie, investing myself in the characters and turning off the cynicism, just to have it all come back to bite me in the ass. So is the case of "Chernobyl Diaries."

Let me get this out before I lose my mind on this "movie:" "Chernobyl Diaries," as far as the first 45-60 minutes goes, is a great movie.

The cast has amazing chemistry; Jesse McCartney and  Johnathan Sadowski play brothers who have met up in Russia with friends and end up on an impromptu "extreme tourism" trip to an area outside Chernobyl. During this stretch of the film, you get to know the characters, their relationships and learn to love how real they are drawn. Even Yuri, the tour guide, could have come across overly Russian, but is done in a way that you find yourself enjoying the  trip as much as the group themselves.

Trouble begins for the group when they  become stranded in the deserted city with the threat of  wild animals and strange nosies. Over the next day and a half, it becomes a taught, atmospheric survival story with sparse horror themes.

Trouble begins  for the AUDIENCE shortly after. When it becomes apparent  there  is more at play than simple  survival, the movie starts reaching into the toy box of derivative bullshit that makes you cringe. The culmination of the horrible descent into B-grade horror is when the survivors make their way through tunnels modeled much like a haunted house. One of the survivors dumps juxtiposition on us like Eric Cartman at Casa Bonita.

(QUICK NOTE: Other than Oren Peli, who I still give innovative credit to, the other listed writers include Carey and Shane van Dyke. You may know them from their work on "Paranormal Entity," "Titanic 2" and "MEGAPYTHON VS. GATOROID." I shit you not.)

By the end  of  the movie, you can't be sure if the filmmakers are shooting for a twist or if they are just too lazy to finish like an 80 year old man with diabetes on his fifth plate at Hometown Buffet.

In defense of 'Bob's Burgers'

Cause child labor laws are pretty unnecessary

I'm not too big on broadcast television but when it comes to cartoons, I can get a little passionate.

The problem is that, these days,  it's hard to get into anything new without disregarding the given flaw that it either comes out of the "Family Guy" or "Simpsons" cookie cutter.

"Bob's Burgers" isn't immune to this reduction, but it certainly makes a case for itself and justifies being renewed, as Stephanie posted. A week ago, I saw a commercial for "Bob's Burgers" and thought "Yay. Another cartoon for Fox to shove down people's throats Sunday night."

Then I began mainlining Season 1 and wasn't only surprised, but pleasantly surprised. This may look and sound like another Fox cartoon from the commercial but it's actually a witty, character-heavy chucklefest.

The cast displays the comedy you're getting: H. Jon Benjamin (Archer, Home Movies) plays the main character and owner of the title restaurant, Bob. With the help of his three kids and slightly out of touch wife Tina (Dan Mintz), Bob runs a mom-and-pop burger place in a downtown city filled with interesting characters, rivalries and shemale prostitutes.

His children are played with slight mental disorders by comedians John Roberts (socially inept Linda), Kristen Schaal (sociopath Louise) and the hillarious Eugene Mirman (Assburger's Syndrome candidate Gene).

The usual plotlines are less like the "Simpsons" and "Family Guy" (A slight story vehicle that only exists for jokes) and more along the lines of an adult "Hey Arnold" (a story about local city characters with some grim truth) if Arnold grew up, had kids and kinda hated life.

The jokes also land a bit better than the two larger comedies. The depth of each punchline doesn't slide off like "Family Guy" and isn't as shallow as the celebrity-depraved Simpsons have become (I gave up after season 12). Instead, the cast delivers gems like this interaction between the kids:

Louise: If we want to be real artists, we need to cut off someone's ear!

Linda: I need my ears, I have glasses.

Louise: (to Gene) What's your excuse?

Gene: Don't have one! HAVE AT IT!

Luckily, despite poorly reported ratings, Fox has renewed "Bob's Burgers" for a second season, giving it an opportunity to get the following it deserves.

In a world of two cartoon parties, there's finally a chance for a third party... and intelligent party... to take hold.

CBS sticks to the script, adds more crime

More than any other network CBS knows who it is and who's its audience. Once again the schedule is procedural heavy, but if it ain't broke. The only major move is "Two and a Half Men" to Thursday at 8:30 p.m. following "The Big Bang Theory." This could create a ratings block the other networks have no answer for.

Monday:
8 p.m. "How I Met Your Mother"
8:30 p.m. "Partners" - Michael Urie and David Krumholtz are lifelong best friends and business partners who must bring their new lovers into their very co-dependent realtionship. Brandon Routh and Sofia Bush play the significant others.
First Impression: If it sounds like "Will & Grace" that's by design because it's from the creators/executive producers of the NBC hit. This could fit in nicely with CBS' comedy juggernaut, but it all depends on the chemistry between Urie and Krumholtz.


9 p.m. "2 Broke Girls"
9:30 p.m. "Mike and Molly"
10 p.m. "Hawaii Five-0

Tuesday:
8 p.m. "NCIS"
9 p.m. "NCIS: Los Angeles"
10 p.m. "Vegas" - Dennis Quaid is the cowboy sheriff in 1960s Las Vegas where he must try to keep the peace as rival mob families take over. Michael Chiklis is the newest crime boss in town and Carrie-Ann Moss is Quaid's love interest.
First Impression: Quaid is the definition of leading man and Chiklis is at his best when he's playing a tough guy. Add in the '60s period and this could be CBS' newest crime hit.


Wednesday:
8 p.m. "Survivor"
9 p.m. "Criminal Minds"
10 p.m. "CSI"

Thursday:
8 p.m. "The Big Bang Theory"
8:30 p.m. "Two and a Half Men"
9 p.m. "Person of Interest"
10 p.m. "Elementary" - Sherlock Holmes is updated to modern day New York in this new take on the classic detective. "Eli Stone" star Jonny Lee Miller is the new Holmes and Lucy Liu is his counterpart Joan Watson. Yes Watson is a woman.
First Impression: Full disclosure time. I'm in love with Steven Moffat's "Sherlock" and think the chemistry between Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman can't be matched. "Sherlock" is both critically successful and very popular so "Elementary" can't avoid the comparisons, they can only hope to contain them. Curiosity and a strong timeslot will drive ratings, however, not sure if those qualities can help it top an already immpeccable update.


Friday:
8 p.m. "CSI: NY"
9 p.m. "Made in Jersey" - British actress Janet Montgomery is a very New Jersey lawyer who joins an upscale Manhattan law firm and uses her street smarts to win cases. Kyle Maclachlan is her boss and Stephanie March is another lawyer in the firm.
First Impression: Could be a fun Friday night diversion if they don't go overboard with the New Jersey fish out of water concept.
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10 p.m. "Blue Bloods"

Sunday:
7 p.m. "60 Minutes"
8 p.m. "The Amazing Race"
9 p.m. "The Good Wife"
10 p.m. "The Mentalist"

The No. 1 question to look out for is "The Good Wife" vs. "Revenge" match up Sunday night. Those first few weeks of ratings should be interesting. Also CBS needs to start thinking about its future because the "CSI" franchise, "The Mentalist" and "Two and a Half Men" are obviously all in their last few seasons, so its time to start rebuilding.

Up next: Cable and The CW

Donna Summer: 1948-2012

The music world lost another game changing legend when the Queen of Disco Donna Summer died May 17 at the age of 63 after battling cancer.

Summer's powerful mezzo-soprano voice helped her gain fame in the 1970s with chart-topping hits like "Hot Stuff," "Bad Girls" and "Last Dance."

Perhaps disco's biggest star, her career had its ups and downs but her songs remained in constant play on classic radio stations and in nightclubs. Even today most dance clubs still end the evening with "Last Dance."

Her influence can be heard in the popularity of acts like Rhianna, Beyonce and Lady Gaga, and in the endless stream of young girls singing her songs on "American Idol," "The X Factor" and "The Voice."

To celebrate her legacy, here are the songs every Donna Summer fan should have on their playlist.








And of course one "Last Dance" with the "Queen of Disco."

FOX decides it's not broken, doesn't change much

Fox announced its Fall 2012-2013 schedule early this morning, keeping its current layout largely intact. The only major change was the move of "Glee" from its Tuesday 8 p.m. timeslot to Thursday at 9 p.m. This will put the once powerful, but recently struggling dramedy in "Grey's Anatomy" territory, setting up fall's most interesting battle.

Monday:

8 p.m. "Bones"

9 p.m. "The Mob Doctor" - Jordana Spiro is a surgeon on the rise who must pay off her brother's debt by secretly becoming the mafia's personal general practioner. The supporting cast includes Zach Gilford, William Forsythe and Zelko Ivanek.

First Impression: Spiro has always been a charming lead and Forsythe as the mob boss is perfect casting. This premise has been tried before but the strength of this cast could make this the incarnation that works.

Tuesday:
8 p.m. "Raising Hope"
8:30 p.m. "Ben and Kate" - A serious minded single mom reconnects with her immature, well meaning brother in this comedy that co-stars Nat Faxon and Dakota Johnson.
First Impression: On paper it sounds generic, but Faxon's charm and his chemistry with Johnson make this a worth a few watches.
9 p.m. "New Girl"
9:30 p.m. "The Mindy Project" - "The Office" alum Mindy Kaling gets her own show as a OB/GYN who loves romantic comedies and thinks life should be more like the movies. Ed Weeks and Chris Messina play her colleagues and possible love interests.

First Impression: Kaling was always one of the best parts of "The Office," but her character here seems like she could get a little annoying. However, her past work buys her at least three chances.

Wednesday:
8 p.m. "The X Factor" (fall) "American Idol" (midseason)

Thursday:
8 p.m. "The X Factor Results" (fall) "American Idol Results" (midseason)
9 p.m. "Glee"

Friday:
8 p.m. "Touch"
9 p.m. "Fringe"

Sunday:
7:30 p.m. "The Cleveland Show"
8 p.m. "The Simpsons"
8:30 p.m. "Bob's Burgers"
9 p.m. "Family Guy"
9:30 p.m. "American Dad"

Midseason:

"The Goodwin Games" - Scott Foley, Becki Newton and Jake Lacy as siblings who reconnect while fulfilling the absurd rules of their father's will. Created/executive produced by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas ("How I Met Your Mother") and co-starring Beau Bridges as the Goodwins.
First Impression: Has the unique qualities of HIMYM and established TV veterans like Foley and Newton, but also seems like it could be too different and not find an audience.

"The Following" - James Purefoy is a infamous serial killer who escapes from prison and Kevin Bacon is the former FBI agent who captured him and must now come out of retirement to figure why he escaped and recapture him.
First Impression: Looks like a promising, dark thriller. Plus it's Kevin Bacon!

FOX is sticking with what has worked for them, while building off of last season's breakout hit "New Girl." It will be interesting to see how the "Glee" move works out.

Up next: ABC

NBC bets on comedy

NBC has rolled out its Fall 2012 schedule and announced its new shows. As the No. 4 network, NBC still has nothing to lose, yet it seems to be presenting the least risky slate of new shows.

Monday:
8-10 p.m. "The Voice
10 p.m. "Revolution" - When all electricity suddenly goes out, the world is thrust into chaos and must learn to live simpler life. Of course it turns out there is also giant mysterious conspracy to solve. The pilot is directed by Jon Favreau and the series is executive produced by Eric Kripke and J.J. Abrams.
First Impression: I'm intrigued by the cast and impressive pedigree. Tim's not interested but I think this could be a good show if handled properly.

Tuesday:
8-9 p.m. "The Voice"
9 p.m. "Go On" - Matthew Perry is a sportscaster who must enter therapy to deal with the death of his wife. It is here he meets an ecletic group suffering with their own unique sob stories.
First Impression: I still love Perry and will always give his series' a chance. Does this remind anyone else of the often underappreciated "Dear John."
9:30 p.m. "The New Normal" - Ryan Murphy's new comedy stars Justin Bartha ("The Hangover") and Andrew Rannels as a gay couple who turn to a surrogate to carry their child. Ellen Barkin co-stars as the loud, outspoken mother of surrogate Goldie.
First Impression: In a world where I can already watch "Modern Family," why do I need its less funny cousin.
10 p.m. "Parenthood"

Wednesday:
8-8:30 p.m. "Animal Practice" - A veterinarian who loves animals but is terrible with people and the wacky doctors he works with. And there's a monkey.
First Impression: No. Just no.
8:30-9 p.m. "Guys with Kids" - A group of dads who hangout and deal with fatherhood. Stars Anthony Anderson, Jesse Bradford and Tempestt Bledsoe, and executive produced by Jimmy Fallon.
First Impression: Anderson and Fallon make this worth at least a try. Though right now it seems like it could go either way.
9-10 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
10-11 p.m. "Chicago Fire" - The pressures and trials of a fire crew in Chicago after they lose one of their own. Jesse Spencer ("House"), Taylor Kinney, David Eigenberg and Eamonn Walker star.
First Impression: I enjoyed this previously when it was "Third Watch."

Thursday:
8-8:30 p.m. "30 Rock"
8:30-9 p.m. "Up All Night"
9-9:30 p.m. "The Office"
9:30-10 p.m. "Parks and Recreation"
10 p.m. "Rock Center with Brian Williams"

Friday:
8-8:30 p.m "Whitney"
8:30-9 p.m. "Community" - Seriously NBC! What the hell!?
9-10 p.m. "Grimm"
10-11 p.m. "Dateline NBC"

Sunday:
"Sunday Night Football"

Midseason:
"Next Caller" - Dane Cook as a shock jock who must suddenly co-host his show with an NPR feminist.
First Impression: I'd rather watch "Animal Practice," though Jeffrey Tambor helps a little.
"Save Me" - Anne Heche as a divorcee turned prophet.
First Impression: ?
"Do No Harm" - A young successful doctor has a Jekyll and Hyde alternate personality. He must fight his darker tendecies and protect his family and patients.
First Impression: This all depends on Steven Pasquale performance as Ian the Mr. Hyde of the duo.
"Infamous" - Meaghan Good is a cop who returns to the rich family she grew up in, as the maid's daughter, to solve the possible murder of the socialite daughter. Victor Garber plays the patriarch of the family, while Tate Donovan returns to his "O.C" roots as his son.
First Impression: A full-on nighttime soap, however it lacks the sophistication of "Revenge."

NBC has presented a mixed bag and seems to be continuing with the throw up everything and see what sticks approach. However, there are some interesting prospects still to come with "The Munsters" reboot "Mockingbird Lane" and "Hannibal."

Up next: FOX.

Why 'The Avengers' is important (to me)

"I have had a dream all my life, and it was not this good."

Joss Whedon spoke those words in Hall H at Comic-Con almost two years ago. He was joined on stage by "The Avengers" cast and the crowd was going wild.

Seeing it first hand I can say the noise level was so high that it almost was dream-like. It was a magical moment. I still remember the looks of amazement on the faces of the people around me.

"The Avengers" as a movie is a dream come true.

I best explained this to a co-worker today. For nerds and comic geeks, this is one of the biggest things in our lifetime. Second only to a "Justice League" movie.

My co-worker tried to understand what I meant and said "So is this like the excitement I would have seeing Axl and Slash performing as Guns 'N' Roses again?"

YES!

For my entire life there has always been "The Avengers." I have early memories (man, I must have been 4-years-old) of Captain America and The Hulk. My brother and I would play in the park as Avengers all the time. In school, my friends and I would dream cast roles.

I wish I would have kept those. Late 1980s actors as the Avengers? Sweet.

But, for some reason, the thought of an "Avengers" movie was so close, yet so far away. It always seemed "too big" to be made. It was long thought to be a dream project that was just that, a dream.

And it kind of feels like that still today. As of writing this, I'm about 30 hours away from seeing the film. Thirty hours away after 30 years of waiting.

My 11-year-old niece Zoe is excited to see the movie too. I can't imagine what my 11-year-old self would do in that position.

So, don't write "The Avengers" off as just another comic book film. It is far more than that.

It is a dream come true for many wonderful and patient people

We have a winner!

Last Night, Drag Queen and Supermodel of the World, RuPaul crowned season 4 winner of the hugely popular reality show "RuPaul's Drag Race." After a messy season of highs and lows, questionable challenges, even more questionable runway looks the winner of this season was revealed during the reunion episode by popular vote. And while the winner was named by popular vote (fans could vote through Facebook) ultimately, it was up to RuPaul to choose the next "face of drag." And what a face it was. In the final three viewers were left with Chad Michaels, Phi Phi O'Hara and Sharon Needles. Each had something unique to bring to the table, so to speak but it was Sharon Needles who won over America's imagination with her dark camp. It was not really a shock, but RuPaul played into fan fear by postponing the winner instead of announcing it outright. I'm suspecting this was done to bait fans to watch the reunion special. Feisty queen and sometimes wolf-in-sequins, Phi Phi O'Hara garnered clout as the villain of the show early on due to her ruthless competitive edge nicknaming and popularizing Sharon by giving her the nickname "Party City." And then there was Chad Michaels, the solid, showgirl, old guard queen who week after week delivered consistent results but failed to surprise the judges. Personally, I wanted Chad Michaels to win. Michaels represented drag in all its beauty and adorning glory and was very talented. Case in point? During the election episode, Michales dared to create a bizarre Lady-Pimp character who created the catchy "Up-Do," political slogan. Michaels was engaging, warm and personable. Aside from Michaels, a crime I simply am not ready to forgive Ru for was the elimination of LaTrice Royale at the hands of keeping Phi Phi O'Hara. All I can say Ru is, the shade of it all. Yet in the end it was 'spooky' queen Sharon Needles who won. I understand why Needles was picked. She's lively, immensely creative and talented and likely to stir trouble. And stir trouble she already has. Before she was even announced as the winner, information surfaced that Sharon Needles used racist words and imagery during some of her shows, and was even using racial slurs on her facebook. The entire scandal was problematic. I believe that Needles is a talented performer and was Team Sharon until this information surfaced, however, I don't see why a talented queen like her would need to use racial slurs and or imagery to elicit shock. There are other ways to draw out discussions on race in America that don't revolve around using words. In her defense, Needles claimed that it was just a word, but this argument is not appeasing. I hope that with her newly acquired fanbase that includes people of all backgrounds, experiences and such that this will give Needles a much needed look at her repetoire of drag and improve. She definitely has the talent. The decision was indeed controversial and I think that is what Ru intended. As Needles was quoted saying in a recent interview : "It means RuPaul has lost her G-d damn mind!"

MOVIECATS Episode 1: JarJar-less

Hello, friends! We are proud to have parked our butts here on Inscaped, And we are even more proud to give you...

MOVIECATS!

What is MOVIECATS? Jared Brady and myself discuss all things movie in a neurotic, rambling way for your enjoyment.
This week, Jared and I cover God's rewrites on "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol," David Cross and the general  public getting the shaft on "Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked," and some of our most hated films. Also a spirited edition of What Are You Doing, where we track down yesterdays heavy Hollywood hitters.
Like  what you hear? Hate our guts? Want  to join the conversation next week? LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW!

But first...

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MOVIECATS!

Dick Clark was America's favorite teenager

Long before MTV, VH-1, iTunes and You Tube, “American Bandstand” was where young people went for the latest popular music. As the host of

“Bandstand” Dick Clark was the man responsible for introducing America to everyone from Elvis Presley to Madonna.

For over 30 years Clark, often called “America’s oldest living teenager,” brought the latest music, dances and fashion into homes around the country like an old friend who always seemed to know what everyone wanted to see and hear before they even knew it.

Clark passed away from a heart attack at the age 82 on April 18.

Clark began on “Bandstand” in 1956, taking it national in 1957. From that point on every major music act appeared on the show.

Clark’s chemistry with the dancers and his non-threatening image helped rock and roll music reach a wider audience at a time when it was considered immoral. He also had African-American artists on mainstream television and had integrated dancing with black and white teenagers when segregation was still the accepted practice. As such he is often credited with changing the course of popular music.

Following his success on “American Bandstand” Clark branched out and began to build a TV empire that included “The $10,000 Pyramid,” “The American Music Awards,” “TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes” and of course “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin Eve.”

Since 1972, Clark’s annual countdown from Times Square has been the benchmark of New Year’s Eve celebrations.

Following his stroke in 2004 Clark missed that year’s show but returned in 2005 and has co-hosted every year since with Ryan Seacrest.

Seacrest has often been compared to Clark and remembered his mentor in a statement.

“I am deeply saddened by the loss of my dear friend Dick Clark. He has truly been one of the greatest influences in my life,” Seacrest said. “I idolized him from the start, and I was graced early on in my career with his generous advice and counsel.”

As word of his passing hit the Internet, many fans responded via Twitter that New Year’s Eve wouldn’t be the same without Clark.

Clark’s loss and iconic status was commented on in a statement by President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama.

“With ‘American Bandstand,’ he introduced decades’ worth of viewers to the music of our times. He reshaped the television landscape forever as a creative and innovative producer. And, of course, for 40 years, we welcomed him into our homes to ring in the New Year,” Obama said. “But more important than his groundbreaking achievements was the way he made us feel – as young and vibrant and optimistic as he was. As we say a final ‘so long’ to Dick Clark, America’s oldest teenager, our thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends – which number far more than he knew.”

For nearly 60 years Dick Clark has been a television staple. He kept America dancing and laughing through some of its hardest times. The legacy of his contributions simply cannot be measured, however they can be seen in the success of programs like “American Idol,” “The Voice,” “Dancing with the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance,” none of which would have been possible without Clark paving the way.

ICFR No. 3 'Darkest Hour:' Assumptions v. electric sharks!

When I walked out of "The Happening" in 2008, I promised myself that no one could ever make a movie so flat yet full of unlikeable or bland characters.

Well, "The Darkest Hour" has crushed my hopes.

As Elvis Costello once said, "I just don't know where to begin."

Sean (Emile Hirsch) is a douchebag. He and his douchey friend Ben ("The Social Network"'s Max Minghella) go to Russia to sell a cell phone app but have their dreams squandered. But who cares? They still have the money to go party it up with some girls at a bar. The girls are just as douchey. You go to a bar in Russia and order a drink and the bartender only speaks Russian. Their reaction: "Does anyone speak Russian??"

Assholes.

But Sean rules the group, calling his new found lady-friend a dick, later calling his best friend an asshole, etc. etc. But my biggest issue with the character is an issue with the writer as well. When the "aliens" start "attacking," Sean discovers he has the ability to make wild assumptions that just happen to be true, much to the chagrin of Ben, who play like a sidekick on an infomercial.

"Sean! You're saying these beings are sentient and are killing us on purpose?? But we are 15 minutes into the movie!......YOU'RE RIGHT! How DOES he do it folks???"

But more importantly is the twist that everyone in the film can make brilliant assumptions. As the gang of unlikeable and flat kids hang out in a basement for four days (ASSUMING they won't be found), the population of Russia is nearly wiped out, Santa Claus builds a microwave gun and another gang learns how to destroy the aliens. IN FOUR DAYS.

But we'll get there.

The movie continues to drag you through a survival story that feels sadly reminiscent of "Red Dawn" except Patrick Swayze sold you on the Reds invading. The dialogue of "The Darkest Hour" is as follows:

Sean: I'm going to make this general assumption about these aliens. Now we should go over here.

One of his friends: But, Sean... You don't know that. I'm scared and would prefer to not be stupid.

Sean: SHUT UP ASSHOLE, THIS IS MY MOVIE.

(They do said act with greatest of ease.)

Repeat AD NAUSEUM.

That is, until the gang meets a group of Russians hiding in a building. This is where Santa Claus comes into play. Apparently he has found a way to keep them safe. He has built an elaborate gun that shoots microwaves. IN FOUR DAYS. And he must have tested it if he's so damn proud. IN THOSE SAME FOUR DAYS.

But this miracle gun only stuns the invaders. They don't want to make t too easy, plus we haven't had our heartstrings pulled yet by a semi-main character dying. We also haven't been blessed with seeing how little attachment these people have to each other.

Imagine you are in this movie and it's real for a moment. You see a loved one of any kind disintegrated in front of you. Human emotion dictates you would scream, cry, go into shock, even possibly "see red" and attack the alien with a slice pf bacon, if it was readily available. But you certainly wouldn't leave the area, mope around a bit until you receive a half hearted apology from Hirsch.

Alas, that's what we get when Anne (Rachel Taylor), the pretty blonde that just wants an English bartender, gets poofed out of our story. The gang runs, Hirsch gives her surviving friend the equivalent of a "SORRY, BRO" and we move on.

Then we get to see a gang of badasses KILLING an alien! Yay! Apparently if you keep shooting like a pissed of teen in "Modern Warfare," they will eventually blow up. While this just rips off EVERY VIDEO GAME EVER and makes the micro-gun seem useless, it at least tells us an end is in sight.

So the two groups get together and head for a submarine that will take them... well, who knows. Like a discontent teenage girl in Wisconsin, it doesn't seem to matter as long as there is some other place to go. But not before the group encounters more aliens.

But wait!! It looks as if... YES! "The Darkest Hour" is going for the Triple Crown of Bad Cinema!! They stuck the landing with unlikable characters... They wowed the judges with crazy assumptions... But now they will give you a NEW ELEMENT THAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED UNTIL IT BECAME CONVENIENT!

So, as the group makes their way for the sub, one of our alien friends wraps up Ben's leg with a tentacle-esque... tentacle! OH REALLY, says I. SUDDENLY, these aliens that are purely electrical in nature can manifest enough matter to capture a human, AND enough strength to overpower him?

Triple Crown won. Congrats.

Alright, this has gone on long enough. They reach the sub, the girl Sean likes gets lost so he throws a fit until they go get her, he takes down an alien (like all the other guys have already done; maybe now they won't make fun of him) and they get on the boat and leave. Our story ends with us thinking this group will now travel the world killing the aliens.

Which I doubt, seeing as how it lost money in theaters. Maybe sometimes Hollywood's ridiculous capitalism rules can save lives.

Maybe.

Spoiler Alert: The ship still sinks.

This year marked the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. It's been a century since one of the world's largest luxury liners, plunged below the cold waters of the Atlantic and fell some odd 4KM to the bottom of the ocean. I know I don't have to tell anyone the story of the Titanic, as we all know it's a true story...despite what some people on Twitter may have thought.

The sinking of the Titanic as well as the folkore behind it's sinking and historical significance and mystery still pique the interest of people today. And so much that people were willing to see the 1997 film, twice and maybe even more. From my childhood I recall seeing it at least twice in theaters with my cousin. This was during the 90s and Leonardo DiCaprio was literally everywhere. This time we all wanted to see that massive hunk of iron go down, and we wanted to see Leonardo DiCaprio shout "I'm the king of the world!" And perhaps we wanted to go back to that time when Leonardo DiCaprio was not making our heads hurt with "Inception," we wanted to go back to a simpler time.

In 3D.

However, did Titanic really need a 3D release?


Last night, I decided to go see the film again in theaters (the first time was nearly 15 years ago) and I wanted to see if the film would still retain its allure.

What I did notice is that people really love the Titanic. Not so much love either, no, people are obsessed with this story. But people are moreso obsessed with the Jack and Rose saga than they are with the ship and this in evident in the way the film was structured, written, realized and marketed. Let's break this down realistically, the film itself is 3 hours and 14 minutes, and let's say under 30 minutes of this was solely dedicated to the ship.



Yet, no one would want to pay to see a history channel movie about the Titanic. All week long in observance of its sinking, documentaries have popped up like daisies explaining what happened with new technology. Despite all that reality of the basics the ship down rather quickly and a lot of people died, we want to see a love story.

We want to fill in the imagined lives of the people who were on the doomed ship, partly because so little information exists about the Titanic relatively and the information that does exist is the kind of information that you have to wade through. To put it bluntly: We want a reader's digest version of Titanic with accurate information on the ship and fudged accuracies of the people who were on it.

Yet, seeing the monster of a film that Titanic was for a second time prove to actually be more telling than I bargained for. I didn't expect to notice just how weak the script was, for example why oh why,early in the film, did Rose (Kate Winslet) speak about the mathematics of the lifeboats? This is the kind of dialogue that is really not suitable for the film yet is only there for expository information for audiences: we needed to know as history confims that the Titanic was insufficiently equipped. In another moment of history meets fiction, when the boat is said to be unsinkable, this dialogue transcribes:

01:43:10 Titanic will founder.

01:43:15 But this ship can't sink.

01:43:17 She's made of iron, sir. I assure you she can,

01:43:20 and she will.

01:43:22:



BAM


At this moment in the film everyone is having a panic attack. Despite SEEING the boat getting punctured by the iceberg (which in 3D is STILL largely underwhelming for an iceberg) we need math to back up this outlandish claim that the ship could sink.


Also, what was up with DiCaprio's accent? He was American we know, but is the Chippewa Falls accent of Wisconsin really that hard to stomach? And for pete's sake the musical theme of the film at this point in time being laced throughout is not flattering but moreso nauseating. It would have helped if maybe it could have been re-done, but accordingly the only alterations done to the film---were stars??

So some patches of the dialogue in the film were really clunky and could have been scrapped, not to mention some questionable acting from fine actors (the problem REALLY is the script). Speaking of actors, it's the supporting cast that should get the acclaim this time around, Billy Zane was incredible as Calhoun, Rose's fiance who was as every bit scary as he was handsome.


All these flaws and not to mention, that the 3D effects weren't even that special. Come on, James Cameron, the movie raked in so much money its first go-round that we really couldn't splurge for 3D that would take us to that very night complete with replicated hypothermia.

No? Okay then, I suppose I'll just wait until Cameron starts offering deep-sea tours of the Titanic complete with the soundtrack.

Kevin Smith burns down house with 'Tough Sh*t'

You either know Kevin Smith, love Kevin Smith or both. But no one truly hates Kevin Smith.

Critics hate his honesty. Some movie-goers hate his films. Some people in Hollywood hate the way he goes against the grain.

But you can't hate the man. Why? It's all mapped out in "Tough Sh*t," the brutally open, honest and entertaining pseudo-autobiography of Smith's rise to cult movie fame.

In a creepy way, reading this book is almost something you'd expect from a dying Hollywood god, spewing the shrouded truths of the mountain before he breathes his final breath. But the color and entertainment value of the book comes from the fact the Smith is very healthy. Very healthy and very stoned.

The book may begin with a simple premise: Smith's childhood, rise to fame, and how it all happened. Standard fare for anyone who has read a book penned by a writer/director/actor.

But Smith is a self-proclaimed sexual degenerate. Bruce Willis is lazy and insufferable. The movie industry is collapsing on itself like a dying star. These are intimate truths Smith lays out for us without any fear; it's things he has seen and horrors he has lived.

Through a rather poignant meta-arc, Smith documents his career from making Clerks to Red State, from his days as a New Jersey hood to the present founder and mogul of SmodCo, Smith details the intricacies and coincidentals of making it in Hollywood as an outcast, chasing the approval of a corrupted honcho (the infamous Harvey Weinstein) and eventually learning that you aren't a cog in the machine if you decide to run the damn thing.

Smith, being the exceptional writer and conversationalist he is, makes the book easy to delve into and relate to: it's a series of life lessons of a normal kid who decides to not share the same fate as his father, and bets everything on the movies.

One of the best highlights comes from one of Smith's many doses of harsh reality. Smith documents dealing with an intensely lackluster Willis in "Cop Out" and losing all respect for an actor he once loved through a series of increasingly uncomfortable days on set.

The book continually gets in depth into the process of not only filmmaking, but sex, the politics of business, religious extremists, and dealing with failure. While it's truly just a gathering of stories told by a relatable guy who has lived his dreams for better or worse, when you finish reading you feel inspired to fulfill your own dreams, obstacles be damned.

Sure, it means that it will come with a heaping helping of bullshit, but that's why Smith is here, to teach you to want the bullshit, too!

"Tough Sh*t" isn't a book just for film buffs or Smith fans. It's for anyone who has a dream that they have been putting off. Smith finds a fun way to tell us all that your failures lead somewhere, and sometimes they lead to your own personal Red State.

The good, bad and BLEGH of upcoming films!

Quick note: as a rule, I avoided any blockbusters already swimming the internet at full force. ("MIB 3," "Avengers", etc.) Except "Twilight," since it doesn't get enough hate from people.

So I climbed out of my hole this morning and I winced at what I saw.

As usual with me, let's start with the bad:

"TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART 2"

I've seen three of these films, and I'm still not sure how these got made. As we mention on Great Ideas, I can make fun of Stephenie Meyer, but I can't make fun of "Twilight."

But I can try...

Check this out: Bella gets pink eye and has an intense sexual encounter with a deer:



"We're the same temperature??" I thought these kids would be less akward after a quick marriage and bed shattering PG-13 sex scene. But, alas...

Speaking of Stephenie "Kinda Literature" Meyer...

"THE HOST"

I guess Meyer doesn't have to try anymore, she can jump straight to making flat films. you know what I need? A body snatchers-esque film, but for the easily impressed.



MMMMMM, there it is. You know what I love about it? It tells you just enough for tweens to be excited without showing you enough footage to know it'll suck. Well played.

Let's try some possibly interesting films. See what we're doing? We're getting LESS cynical as we go. It's like Willy Wonka. Happy Saturday, children...

"SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED"

These films hit so hot and cold with me: the indie with a strong but not well known cast that touches on some big movie themes while remaining heartfelt? Oh, boy. Will I leave the theatre saying "Huh! Not bad!" or "SCREW YOU DIABLO CODY!" a la Juno?

Let's see....



I'm going to hope for the former.

"PARANORMAN"

(You'll have to click on the title to see this one)

Being the perpetual 11-year-old I am, I'm already excited for Paranorman. A stop-motion movie about a kid, zombies, ghosts and curses? Yes, please! Then you see a cast including Anna Kendrick, John Goodman, jeff Garlin and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (can we just call him McLovin?). It looks strong!

And finally, a film that actually ...

"SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMEN"!

This is a big 180 for me. At first, it was another Snow White movie released in a flurry of Snow White junk ("Mirror Mirror"? Blegh.) and to top it, Kristen Stewart, the one that had the pink eye from earlier, is Snow White.

But wait...



I think I'm okay with it. I can just root for Charlize Theron to brutally beat her to death and scream "Where's your vampire now?!"

So maybe this didn't get less cynical. I tried.

HAPPY WEEKEND!

Great Ideas episode 10!

The Great Ideas podcast, home to two cynical nerds who fight while making obscure points, has reached its tenth episode!

You can check it out HERE for free, and feel free to comment on the page with your love/hate/own great ideas.

Happy Birthday Stephanie!

Happy Birthday to Stephanie today!

I got her this "Doctor Who" Sonic Screwdriver/Journal kit. I think she has every possible Sonic Screwdriver variation that I can think of. That just means I'm going to have to come up with something new for Christmas.

Today at work I heard that it's also Lady Gaga's birthday and that got me to thinking of other awesome people she shares a birthday with:

Vince Vaughn
Reba McEntire
Dianne Weist
Annie Wersching (Renee Walker on "24"!)

Come on, that's a pretty awesome group of people there. Sure beats mine: Saddam Hussein and Jay Leno... yeah...

On a serious note, I wanted to throw this out there because Stephanie is amazing and is the best business partner in crime a guy could have.

Even if she loves Medieval Times.

'Hunger Games' is more than just a phenomenon

For months movie fans have been hearing about the coming phenomenon of "The Hunger Games." Like another well known literature franchise, it has a rabidly loyal fanbase, had stacked the film with attractive young actors, and was based around an independent heroine and a dramatic romance.

However, unlike those other movies, "The Hunger Games" is a fascinating story filled with interesting characters who are heroes without trying hard or shouting it from the mountaintops.

It is the story of a future America called Panem, where children between the ages of 12-18 are sent to the Capitol as tribute to compete in The Hunger Games.

Katniss Everdeen volunteers to save her sister and Peeta Mallark is chosen from District 12, which is a poor coal mining village.

From the first moments the film encompasses viewers in the tension of the world these children live in, where any one of them could be sent off to die. In fact Katniss' best friend Gale seems resigned to his fate as his name is in the bowl 42 times so the odds are against him.

This instantaneous connection with the characters is one of the biggest draws of the movie. Even with its unique plot and characters, at its core "Hunger Games" is basically a hero's origin story starring Katniss.

Once the story moves to the Capitol, viewers are introduced to the support cast that must play along with the games or find themselves on the outside looking in.

Woody Harrelson is funny and heartbreakingly honest as Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta's mentor and the last winner from District 12.

Wes Bentley is a more cruel, yet still somehow realistic Nigel Lythgoe/Mark Burnett clone as Seneca Crane, the gamesmaker.

Lenny Kravitz is impossibly attractive and touchingly earnest as Katniss' stylist and only true friend Cinna.

Donald Sutherland is appropriately mustache twirling as President Snow, but he seems like less of threat here than he will be in the future.

However, as usual the real revelation is Stanley Tucci as host of the games Caesar Flickerman. He's part Ryan Seacrest, part Bob Costas and part P.T. Barnum; yet all these pieces come together to create an over the top portrayal that steals every scene he's in.

If the film receives any awards attention it will be in supporting categories for Tucci and Harrelson.

Like any good origin story it is the journey to becoming the hero that really counts and that is seen most in the arena. Jennifer Lawrence is captivating as Katniss, but more importantly she's real.

She's not perfect, she's not the smartest and she's not always right, but at the end of the day she's authentic and that makes her likable. This also make her relationship with Peeta more interesting, as these are mythical supernatural beings in an unreal world falling in love. These are real people in a life or death situation who must depend on and trust each other for survival.

While the movie left out Katniss' indifference about her feelings for Peeta, Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson still communicated the unrequited and somewhat one-sided nature of their romance.

With the film's record-breaking $155 million opening weekend a lot will be made of new star Lawrence, but the revelatory performance really comes from Hutcherson as Peeta.

Peeta is the smartest player in the game, as he figures out early on that he must win the crowd to compensate for any physical weaknesses. He is also certain of his imminent death, but just wants to assure that he remains true to his self.

While Katniss is obviously the hero, Peeta is the audience's window into this strange world.

"The Hunger Games" will be the center of a lot of attention for a while and the "Twilight" comparisons will no doubt be unstoppable, but it's important to note that despite all the hoopla and noise, at its core "The Hunger Games" is a solidly made film with impeccable pacing, fantastic performances and fascinating storytelling.

These qualities make it more than just a phenomenon.

WonderCon 2012: DC storytelling continues to evolve

Unlike Comic Con, WonderCon is about actual comics more than TV and movie stars. With that in mind the two major publishers were on hand to announce what's coming up for some of their most popular titles.

The big news for DC is that "Batman: Earth One" will be out in July and has Batman as he's still figuring things out and learning how to be the famed hero. Eddie Berganza, executive editor, said the story will also take Alfred in a different direction, with the character resembling Liam Neeson in "Taken."

"Batman: Earth One" is fresh off the success of "Superman: Earth One" of which volume two will be released in November.

Writer Bryan Q. Miller announced that the digital first comic "Smallville: Season 11" will be released weekly on Fridays beginning April 13. The story will pick up six months after the series ended with Clark embracing his destiny and defeating Apokolips.

All the series characters will return and continue to face various threats as they take the "next mid 20s step in life."

Also launching digitally first are "Batman Beyond" and "Justice League Beyond." Many of the writers and artists on the panel discussed how the rise of digital comics on computers and tablets has forced creators to rework how they write and draw.

There was also talk of new additions to the new 52 including the return of Grant Morrison's "Batman Incorporated," which involves Bruce Wayne travelling the globe and recruiting new crime fighters to carry the Batman banner.

Two of the most intriguing titles were "Earth 2" and "World's Finest."

"Earth 2" harkens back to the Justice Society of America story of alternate Earth versions of classic heroes. "World's Finest" features Huntress and Power Girl being marooned on our Earth and trying to navigate a new existence.

Other additions include "Dial H," a mythology heavy story and the newest entry in the Dark group, "G.I. Combat," a book with dinosaurs and superheroes and "The Ravagers" a "Teen Titans" spin-off starring Superboy.

Other Highlights:

"Animal Man" and "Swamp Thing" crossover
"I, Vampire" and "Justice League Dark crossover
Amanda Waller's appearance in "Teen Titans"
Suicide Squad vs. Resurrection Man
Free Comic Book Day teases for Captain Marvel and Green Lantern

Attack of The Rebox No. 2: '80s remake battle!

Editor's note: Heyo, this is a new feature where we kind of just pick something at random at our local Redbox. Could be good, probably bad.

Alright!

Ladies and Gentlemen, today we have a battle to the death between two welterweight champions of '80s lore!

In this corner... Straight from 1982, directed by John Carpenter... shot grimly with Wilford Brimley... Remade quite aloof with the girl from "Death Proof"...

"THE THING!"

So THAT'S what happens when a mind is blown...



And in THIS corner... the 1984 version of Glee... the stinger with Lori Singer... pulled out of the sewer by director Craig Brewer...

"FOOTLOOSE!"

I think the tagline on the poster is a Churchill quote...


Going into the battle, my handicap is in favor of "The Thing." History may have more memories of "Footloose," but "The Thing" holds a kind place in the hearts of those who remember it.

ROUND 1: THE PLOTS!

"THE THING:" A group of scientists in the arctic locate an alien spacecraft, along with it's pilot. Once the alien breaks free of it's icy fate, it begins killing off the scientists by shapeshifting into them.

"FOOTLOOSE:" A young city boy moves to a small country town after his mother's death. When confronted with the culture change, including a ban on public dancing and music, he instigaes the town's youth into fighting back through dance.

ROUND 2: EXECUTION!

"THE THING:" The original film relied heavily on psychological terror; what do you do when the monster could be the person right next to you? The remake, however, heavily relies on CGI and jump scares, opting to give you shot after shot of a monster that's psychological bark far outweighs it's flashy bite.

"FOOTLOOSE:" The memory of 1984's "Footloose" left me expecting a heaping pile of cheesy, over-glamorized dance routines a la Step Up and a looser plot than "Star Wars Episode 1." I WAS DEAD WRONG. The director (previously from "Black Snake Moan" and "Hustle and Flow") keeps a basic structure but enlists some charismatic young talent and some real intelligence into what could have been just another teen dance off.

ROUND 3: RATINGS!

"THE THING:" Due to it's cheapening of a classic horror flick and all around "same old same old" feel, "The Thing" is, at best, a C for cheesy.

"FOOTLOOSE:" Maybe it's just low expectations, but between subplots and supporting acting that raises the bar, a successful rookie leading male (Kenny Wormald) and writing that only sometimes plays down to it's audience, "Footloose" gets a B+ for beating my cynicism into submission.

THE WINNER: "Footloose." Even if you cringe at the mention of the title, at least see it to know what a "dance flick" can be. The supporting cast (namely Ray McKinnon as the guiding uncle and Miles Teller as a respectfully done hick of a best friend) adds some unforeseen self respect to the show, and if you can forgive some cheesy moments and Dennis Quaid, you may end up being satisfied.