V/H/S: The Ultimate POV Horror Collection

V/H/S is not the blank check I thought it would be. POV horror sells, but V/H/S looks to pull its own weight with inventive writing, fun (if at times overly graphic) horror and some special effects it boasts with good reason. Since the film is more of a mini-festival, I'm going to break these down one by one. There are several directors and various actors throughout the movie, so instead of breaking THEM down, let me just say that there's a deep well of talent here on both sides of the camera.

Tape 56 (C-)

"Tape 56" serves as the main story line, a rather thin story that gets us into the films and not much else. We open with four men who seem to have a penchant for cheap Clockwork Orange antics: destruction of property, sexual assault and all-around criminal behavior. They are suspiciously hired to break into a house and steal a VHS tape. This plot point isn't really discussed much which means there is not much story to begin with.

The men get inside, find some morbid omens including a stack of TVs hooked to VHS players. So our stage is set for a slew of unnerving finds...

In between each film, "Tape 56" picks up and progresses its own story further, producing a haunting mystery that, unfortunately, is never truly resolved. 

Amateur Night (C+)

If you can stomach the opening minutes of dueling dousche bag Dane Cooks, "Amateur Night" picks up on three friends with a "bright" idea: put a camera in a pair of glasses and secretly record an adult movie once they pick up some ladies. Flawless, right?

Well, our lucky cameraman happens upon a mysterious young lady (who the observant viewer can spot before she's introduced, almost like she is hunting...) who is much more than what she appears.

"Amateur Night" is a solid introductory piece. There's shaky cam, gore and nudity. If that's not what you want, walk out then because it's just setting the stage for what's to come.

Second Honeymoon (B+)

Male fiancees beware: this one hits close to home. A happy couple is roadtripping and taking in the sights along the way. This includes a mysterious drifter with a knack for camcorders, knives and one hell of a surprise.

The acting in this piece stands out because of the realistic chemistry of the couple. It's a shorter piece, but serves it's purpose in unsettling the audience. 

QUICK NOTE: Honey, if you're reading this... let's avoid motels...

Tuesday the 17th (A)

The title says so much: a story that has been beaten to death, but this one holds a twist in the telling that rejuvenates a genre of horror. Four kids, an adventure to a lake house, and hormones. YEAH YEAH YEAH. 

But wait for it... soon you start seeing things, a blunt statement is made by one of our characters, and we see subgenres folding into each other. This culminates in a somewhat abstract, fun and creepy story.

Hey kids! Stay out of the F*@#ing woods already!

The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger (B)

Speaking of revisiting old ground, Emily thinks her house is haunted. Her logical, pre-med boyfriend doesn't. But Emily reacts to the idea the way us horror fans would: she wants to see it, speak to it, fix it. She isn't really afraid. Via webcam, this short follows her over a few nights as she comes closer and closer to finding the secret of the haunting.

Some quick shots offer standard scares and the ending is a bit hit-or-miss, but well done characters make you wonder about Emily's mental state and about her boyfriend....

10/31/98 (A+)

Easily my favorite. The film ends on a high note with this installment, centered around four friends on Halloween who are on their way to a party. Nothing is out of the ordinary until they arrive and the party is deserted. This film really worked for me because of the starkness of it. Obviously, they were invited. Obviously, there was supposed to be a party; I've never been so creeped out by a house with all the lights on.

The friends make their way through the house and our cameraman starts to see some strange things that let us know all is not well. Ghostly reflections and camera flickers set the tone for what turns into a true nightmare as the friends stumble upon a disturbing scene. 

The execution of the film highlights some incredible special effects and choreography that truly remind you of the last bad dream you had. The laws of physics bend, panic sets in and your final moments are both surreal and possible.

***

Overall, V/H/S collects some incredible spooky stories and some fantastic nightmares. For genre fans, it's guaranteed satisfaction. For those who may not be up to snuff with the heavier horror films, BEWARE.

TV fantasy draft: It's on

Tim and I had our annual TV fantasy draft this evening. Basically we divide up the new fall shows and choose our lists. We get points based on ratings, season pickups and lose points for cancellations and poor performance.

We will have a secondary draft around January for midseason replacements.

So here's our lists in the order we chose them.

Stephanie:                                                          Tim:

"Vegas"                                                              "Elementary"
"666 Park Avenue"                                             "Go On"
"Arrow"                                                              "Last Resort"
"Made in Jersey"                                                 "The New Normal"
"The Mindy Project"                                            "Partners"
"Revolution"                                                         "Beauty and the Beast"
"Guys With Kids"                                                 "Chicago Fire"
"Nashville"                                                           "Ben and Kate"
"The Mob Doctor"                                               "The Neighbors"
Bonus: "The Office"                                              Bonus: "Parks and Recreation"

Bonus shows are our "break glass in case of emergency" choices that we can use when we have a really bad week.

So there is our complete draft. We'll keep you updated with who's winning and what's doing a great and what's dragging down the team in the coming weeks.

It Came From Netflix!: Lake Mungo

Bieber???

Maybe it's because I had just seen The Possession or because I had just woke from a sickly haze like a feral badger in a vet office, but Lake Mungo became my first victim. I don't think I will be charged with any crime because no jury in the world would convict me of a crime after seeing this dull, lifeless and stale movie.

Released in 2008, Lake Mungo revolves around the drowning of Alice Palmer and the SUPPOSEDLY creepy happenings afterward. These happenings include found footage of the family and mostly centers around rediculous Bigfoot-esque stunts.

I enjoy the IMDB description MUCH more though: "A supernatural drama about grief."

Alice's brother tries to cope with the loss with his photography, introduced as naturally as Slug from The Goonies trying to make a cow eat a whopper.

This leads to some of the cheapest and overused gimmicks in movie history. The next 40 minutes are almost exclusively pictures and video zoomed in closely to show a figure that looks like Alice sitting around, as bored as the audience. After the 40 minutes, we discover that ALL of this.... ALL OF THIS.... was staged by the brother.

Hey, Alice's brother? Let me have a word with you over here. Just for a moment. Thanks. 

F*** you, Alice's brother. Your sister died, you d***. C'mon...

Anyways, that is supposed to count as one twist, followed by a couple more twists that are either unnecessary, not explained well or BOTH.

If you hate found footage, see Lake Mungo. Then go see any Paranormal Activity movie and you will enjoy it more than a fat midwestern gentleman with Applewood sausage watching the a mechanical dinosaur eat a car.

The Possession: Meet Natasha Calis

If I had a dime for every parking lot I saw THIS happen in...

The last time a young girl got under the skin of an audience in a very real and haunting way, it was 1973 and Linda Blair was spitting split pea soup all over her room.

Welcome to 2012, where we have a new contender for Best Creepy Little Girl in the form of Natasha Calis who plays Emily in the under-written, brilliant executed The Possession.

It's a simple story of girl meets demon. Em's mom (Kyra Sedgwick) and dad (Javier Bardem... no it's not, it's Jeffrey Dean Morgan....oh... huh... twinsies...) are getting a divorce. The bitter kind, that includes neglected kids, a lukewarm father figure in mom's new friend, and the perfect amount of tension for a demon to slip in.

Em finds an odd box at a yard sale and her dad buys it for her. And, as usual, this is where things get dark.

But in The Possession, you know where the movie is going but not what to expect. The writing of Juliet Snowden and Stiles White (co-writers on Knowing and Boogeyman) is far from surprising or in any way edgy. But in an "out of left field" move, director Ole Bornedal (trust me, you don't know him) adds a level of dread and suspense to an otherwise predictable story. 

Which brings us to the incredible, upsetting and powerful Natasha Calis. I'm not sure if it was some great directing or if Natasha is an alien that feeds on acting talent, but she is a true show stopper. Early in the movie, it's seen in animalistic stares, her eyes wildly following possible prey. It evolves to vacant looks of terror, uncomfortable conversations, and culminating in one of the most low-key, intense and terrifying bedside scenes ever. Natasha does more with a stare than some actors do in a two hour performance. You truly start to wonder what her father is wondering: who is really staring back at you?

The Possession can easily be seen for it's faults in writing and some B level effects. But overall, with powerful acting and execution, The Possession is one of the better modern horror movies and definitely worth seeing.

Oh.... uh... heeeeey....I like your boots?