Monday, January 30, 2012

Super Bowl for dummies, Part 1: Cheaters never prosper

It's that time of year, Inscapednauts!

SUPER BOWL season!

Time for guys everywhere to suddenly pick up the sport; time for people to gorge on salsa; time for (my favorite) ditzy girls everywhere to suddenly have a favorite team that turns out to usually be a popular and successful one! (I'd pay top dollar to see a hot girl rooting for some of the Cleveland Browns by name.)

I just heard half the audience fall asleep. Amazing.

Stick with me, because I'm going to give you a breakdown of why this Super Bowl is a big deal. Careful! School's in session.

So our teams this Sunday are the New York Giants (the Blue Ones) and the New England Patriots (the Silver Ones).

Ask any girl 12-30 who is more excited to see "The Vow" than watch a regular season game, and they'll regurgitate what they've heard: "Patriots are gonna win! WHOOO!"

But if you're an entertainment fan, you already know better. Because you've seen similar plots in movies.

Let's cast the Giants as the Rocky character. Balboa, not the flying squirrel. They're the wild card, the little guys. They never get the respect they deserve, but they hit hard and fight.

That would make the Patriots the Mark Zuckerburgs. They are smart and talented, but they also have a shady past. 4 years ago they had an undefeated season but were found to be videotaping other teams' practices. This year they hired the Broncos former head coach just before they played the Broncos. The Patriots were also defeated four years ago in the Super Bowl by the Giants as well.

To review: the Giants are scrappy, perpetual underdogs; the Patriots are overprivledged, perpetual cheaters.

So, if/when you catch the game this weekend, you can have a nice analogy to sum up why you want to see the Giants win.

If you happen to want to see the Patriots win, you came to the wrong place.

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